BOOZE CRUISE: FEBRUARY 2014

HOW TO BREAK YOUR LEG JUMPING OFF THE WAGON

February is the month of love and of getting back to drinking. Goodbye, January, you self-righteous prick. How dare you make me feel like I need to slow down the drinking and get back to the gym. I hate you, January.

Hello, February, you sexy bastard. Let’s have a couple drinks and catch up.

I have taken the time to compile a healthy February day for you. Complete with libation suggestions based on the time of day. Enjoy! And welcome back!

9:00 a.m. – Breakfast

Yes, breakfast. Feel free to pass judgment on a drink in the morning. I will likely have too much of a happy buzz on to give a shit. When enjoying booze at breakfast it is important to use mix. We are not savages: we just want to add a little brightness to this breakfast. The morning standard is fresh fruit juice added to sparkling wine. Sounds OK, but lets get serious here, this is going to be a long day. You can only have one drink at breakfast to conform to societal norms so let’s drop some Jameson Irish Whiskey and New Deal Coffee Liqueur into our morning brew and get rolling.

11:30 a.m. – Lunch

Well, the Jameson is wearing off and we are feeling a bit peckish. Perhaps we should sit down to a sensible light lunch and a drink. For me, lunch is always accompanied by rosé wine. You may say to yourself, “Jeff, pink wine doesn’t sound like the drink of choice for the manly man at lunch!” And I would say, “I had Irish Whiskey with my breakfast, so bugger off and mind your own business.” Why not support local and try the fabulous Joie Rosé from our neighbours to the west. Big red fruit on this wine but some nice acidity to keep you going.

2:00 p.m. – Afternoon

I think we all can agree that if we are deciding to have an afternoon drink, there is nothing on this planet more appropriate than a pint of beer. No matter where I am, or what I’m doing, in the midday my body tells me it wants a pint. Recently, I have taken to obliging this demand with Loser Pale Ale from Elysian Brewery, out of Seattle, Washington. Perfect hop balance and great crisp citrus notes.

4:30 p.m. – Picking up the Kids from School

Probably a good time to abstain here. What’s the matter with you?

6:00pm – Supper

Wine. Every damn time.

7:30 p.m. – After Supper

We should always settle the stomach after a large rich meal with a wonderfully crafted spirit. It will help you digest (we tell ourselves) and it also will reset our palates for dessert. For myself, it’s Grappa. Perhaps not everyone’s favourite, but not everyone has had the good stuff. Go for anything by legendary Italian producer Poli. You will not be disappointed.

9:00 p.m. – Night Cap

Instructions. Leave your house. Go to Model Milk. Ask for Madeline. Say, “Jeff Jamieson says you make the best Vieux Carre in town!” Drink. Thank me later.

11:00 p.m. – Late Night

Haven’t you had enough? You have been drinking all day! Go home for God’s sake. Sleep. Then maybe go see someone about this dependency you’ve developed. Jesus.

By Jeff Jamieson